4 “Best” Worst Las Vegas Casinos

Circus Circus


What says “I’m gonna rage and gamble and f-ing throw down like a drunk gorilla” more than a 100 foot tall clown holding a pinwheel? Well, just about everything. Circus Circus is a place where childhood dreams come to get roofied, but if you’re into watching the cream of the American crop lose their shirt on a game of skee ball, this one’s a jackpot.

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Siegel Slots and Suites

Siegel Slots

Some Vegas hotels/casinos will offer complimentary buffet tickets or seats to a show, but at Siegel, they like to spice things up a bit. How about free bloodstains on your mattress, doors that don’t lock, or my personal favorite, piles of puke. Seriously, for a good time, skip the rest stop bathroom and read the Yelp reviews on this gem.

Longhorn Casino (it has NO website!!!)


Hey there, partner. Want to mosey on over to where the locals go? Of course you don’t! As if Vegas isn’t sad enough, at Longhorn you can watch as bluehairs gamble away their social security checks and then hate-fuck an ice cream scoop of mashed potatoes with their mouths. Mmmmm…the golden years.

Eureka Casino


Eureka is like an ugly person who has smoked for 40 years and then punched themselves in the face for sport. Just slightly larger than a 7-Eleven, it houses more video poker machines than you can shake a tiny stick at, but it does have something that no other casino in Vegas offers: frequently served free drinks! Also, there’s a ridiculously racist-ly named restaurant called Fat Choy (which is funny ‘cause Eureka is actually the only Asian American-owned casino in Vegas). Fat Choy is one of the best-kept secrets in Vegas and serves some of the best boas we’ve ever had.

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