The old analogy goes: full-bodied wine is to whole milk as fine-bodied wine is to skim milk. It’s helpful, and true. Wine and milk can both be said to have distinct “bodies” that vary in pretty similar ways.
Other than that, the two liquids couldn’t really be more different- the words hardly belong in the same sentence. Philosopher and big-time wino Roland Barthes once suggested that wine and milk were opposites not only literally, but culturally and metaphorically too. That’s pretty damn different.
Suffice it to say, throughout history milk and wine have had a weird and somewhat strained relationship. Well, we’re about to make it even weirder. Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to preside over a sweetly unconventional marriage. We’re about to teach you how to make the best damn wine milkshakes you ever did taste. Calm yourself, then follow these simple steps to attain creamy, boozy wineshake bliss:
1) Acknowledge the fact that what you are about to do intuitively seems disgusting, then forget about that entirely and embrace the fact that what you are about to do is actually awesome.
2) Pick one (or all) of the following three ice cream flavors to make a wineshake with: Dulce de Leche, Mango Sorbet, or good ole fashioned Vanilla.
3) If you picked Dulce de Leche, you’re going to need Bourbon, a bottle of Moscato wine, and Dulce de Leche ice cream (duh). You’ll get strange looks at the cash register, and you’ll deserve ‘em too.
4) For the Mango Sorbet inclined, get yourself Vodka, a bottle of Moscato wine and Mango Sorbet ice cream (double duh). May not want to shop at your neighborhood store…
5) If you went with Vanilla, you’ll have to get your hands on a cheap-ish blended red wine, vodka, some raspberries and vanilla ice cream (triple duh). Really not that embarrassing. Phew.
6) Once you’ve amassed a surplus of wineshake supplies, put on some music, call your friends and make sure your blender still works. It’s a milkshake, so if your blender doesn’t work, well…
7) Take 1/2 cup of your desired ice cream, toss it in the blender.
8) Add your booze! All you’ll need to add is 2 ounces of your liquor- Vodka or Bourbon -and 2 ounces of your wine- Moscato or red blend -to it’s ice cream counterpart. (For those not big on weights and measures, 2 ounces is a shot and a half!) For vanilla shakers, throw some raspberries into the mix!
9) IT’S BLENDING TIME, BABY! Keep those blades a’ spinnin’ if you like a thinner (dare we say fine-bodied?) shake. If you’re after a creamy, full-bodied “icecreamohol” concoction, don’t blend for too long… even though it looks and sounds awesome.
10) Pour your wineshake into your favorite liquid holding item and savor each sip! You’ve just gone to a place few have gone before, you deserve to be proud.
*11) Optional: Add more bourbon, vodka and/or wine as you see fit. We won’t tell.