It may be better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all. The best option? Drink wine instead. Here are just 5 reasons wine is better than a lover:
1) Wine is low maintenance
Wine can’t get jealous or hurt, nor can it break your heart. It also can’t send really annoying text messages every 5 minutes. It can’t text at all, actually.
2) Wine lasts a long time
Though not all wines have good aging potential, most bottles keep for at least a year. A year has and will always be more than… 2 minutes and 37 seconds? Uncork and sip at a sufficient and satisfying pace. Finished? No worries, there’s more where that came from.
3) The more history the better
Learning about where a wine has been, how it was handled and all of the hands it has passed through will always enrich your appreciation of it. Finding out your lover actually kinda knows your cousin already? Not so much.
4) Wine makes dinner less awkward
Wine can’t mispronounce “prix fixe,” hit on the server or ramble on about something you truly don’t give a shit about. On the contrary, it’ll make your food taste better and your date more appealing… it may even make you interested in what they have to say. Maybe.
5) Wine is almost always gone in the morning
Unlike the hungover person tiptoeing around your kitchen, using the last of your eggs
and reading your coffee table books as you shower- you should never find a full bottle sitting on the counter the morning after. If you do, you best go ahead and drink it.