Every Halloween there’s that guy who’s too cool for costumes. Or puts on one of those t-shirts that says, “This is my costume.” Or legitimately cuts eye-holes in a dirty old sheet and claims to be a ghost. This year, don’t be that guy. Instead, let everyone know just how much you love wine with one of these kick-ass grape-centric outfits.
1. A Bushel of Grapes
Ah grapes, wine’s youngest form. You can buy this one online, or make it yourself. If you’re more DIY inclined, just inflate a bunch of purple balloons and pin them to a purple sweatshirt. Top it off with a green beanie with some construction paper leaves pinned on. Boom.
2. A Wine Snob
All you need for this outfit is an ascot, a sweater vest and some khakis. Carry around a wine glass all night (preferably full of the real stuff) and constantly regale anyone who will listen with comments like, “This blend has a great kick to it,” and, “The 2008 vintage really was better than the 2010.”
3. A Box of Wine
It really doesn’t get much easier than this. Find an empty cardboard box and cut some armholes in the top flaps. Across a few sheets of paper, print out the label of your favorite boxed wine brand. Tape them together on the box. Done. If you really want to get into it though, tape a bag of Franzia to the inside of the box with the spout sticking out through a hole cut in the bottom. You will be the life of the party, guaranteed.
4. Dionysus, God of Wine
Another ridiculously easy costume that is still way better than not dressing up at all. Find a sheet, preferably a solid color and ideally white, purple or red. Tie it at your shoulders. If you can, rustle up a crown of vines. Most importantly, carry around a bottle of wine and take constant and copious swigs.
5. Wine and Cheese
If you’re lucky enough to have someone who shares your unbounded love of fermented grape juice, consider this. For the wine, put on some dark pants and a purple or red shirt. Print out a blown-up version of your favorite label and pin it to your shirt. Then wrap a piece of brown construction paper around your head for the cork. For the cheese, cut out one side of an empty cardboard box and tape the remaining three sides together to form a triangle. Paint yellow or cover in yellow construction paper with little holes cut in it. Use ribbon or string to create shoulder straps. You are officially the perfect pair.