Friends, Americans and lovers of spirited beverages, we come bearing news: sweater porn is real. Not only is it real, but it is most highly sought after during the holiday season when terribly satisfying knit creations come out of all corners.
Without further ado, we present to you a collection of booze-based, holiday sweaters that give the term “ugly sweater” true meaning. They’re awful, but you also kind of want to buy them all for yourself, because you deserve to be warm, embarrassed (and sipping something good) this December.
1) Coming in at #1 is a true classic. Booze bottles, wine keys, cups and a heather gray hue that reminds us of that really really sweaty guy at the gym running in a full sweatsuit. Tasty.
2) Looking for a statement piece? Look no further. It’s not entirely clear what’s going on on this sweater, but we know there’s wine and it’s definitely something you’d be ashamed to wear at any other time of year. Consider your criteria met.
3) Do you like beer? Do you like looking foolish? Then treat yo’self.
4) If you’ve ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a crazy aunt, this garment was designed for you. Trust us, you only think you’ll wear this sweater ironically. It comes in at #4 because honesty is the best policy.
5) If you’ve ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a crazy aunt, a cat lady and super basic all at the same time, you cannot turn this sweater down. You may not be the most popular person at the holiday shindig, but hey, that means you can actually go watch Christmas movies with your cat.
6) This sweater isn’t all that ugly, it’s almost kind of funny. Why does it come in at #6? Because even mentioning working out during the holiday season is not cool. No chill…